Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships

From Flirting to breaking up, social media and mobile phones are woven into teens' romantic lives.

Pew Research Center

Lenhart, A., Smith, A., & Anderson, M. (2015, October 1). Teens, Technology and Romantic Relationships. 1-69. Retrieved July 18, 2016, from http://www.pewinternet.org/2015/10/01/teens-technology-and-romantic-relationships/

We are no longer in a time where we speak to someone on the phone or in person when communicating with one another as our only way of communication. Technology has advanced so much in the last several years in how we communicate with each other, our professional life, and personal life. The formats of communication through technology have dramatically changed how we interact with one another, especially when it comes to romantic relationships. More and more teenagers are able to access such formats and participate in their relationships through the various social medias.

Research has shown that teenagers are using social media to pursue, flirt, interact, break-up, or harass current or former partners. Both positive and negative results surfaced during the research and the impact was noted. With the many different formats, teens are able to manage connections and communications with multiple people.

Basics on Teen Romantic Relationships

Of the teenagers who participated in the survey, 35% were in a relationship or dating, while 64% had not been in a relationship of any kind at all.  Of the 35% of teens who had been in a relationship or who were dating, 14% of them were currently in a relationship that was believed to be serious, 5% were in a relationship that was not seen as serious, while 16% of teens were not currently dating.

How Teens Meet, Flirt With and Ask Out Potential Romantic Partners

One-quarter of teenagers in the survey had dated an individual they had met online. Of the resources of meeting potential partners, Facebook was names the most often with Instagram coming in second. Twitter and other resources were other sites mentioned.

31% of teens who had met a partner online, stated they were romantically involved with, that they had not yet met in person, while 69% of teens who met their partner online had actually met them in person.

Teens use social media and search to connect with and research potential romantic partners.

20% of teenagers had turned to social media in search of a romantic partner. They did this by following that individual or friending them because a friend suggested so they would be a good match for dating.

Of that 20%, 23% of 15-17 year olds had followed someone at a friends requests hoping for a relationship, while 15% of 13-14 year olds had done the same thing for the same purposes.

With the digitals available at their fingertips, teenagers are able to research potential partners and find all kinds of information online.  Older teens were more likely to do this than younger teenagers. It was noted that if teenagers was not ready to reveal themselves and their feelings to the public, the trick was to hide their identity while they researched their potential partner.

Teens take a range of approaches to let someone know they are interested in them romantically

Of the teenagers surveyed, 50% of teens have let someone know that they were interested in them. They did this through friending on Facebook or other social medial resources.

55% of the teens flirted with the person they were interested in while 47% expressed their interest by liking or commenting on posts.

63% have used messaging to flirt with those they were interested while 23% of teens have sent mature images or videos to that person of interest. There are various ways that teens flirt with the person of interest. They do so through sending emojis, liking several pictures in a row, or began texting that eventually moved into talking.  This type of flirting is not for everyone though. Some teenagers still preferred the  “old fashion” way of flirting, through conversations and talking to the person of interest.

Girls are especially likely to experience unwanted flirting on Social Media

One quarter of teenagers have blocked or unfriended someone that made them uncomfortable when flirting online. Female teenagers are more likely to deal with this.

31% of female teenagers, ages, 13-14 years old had either blocked or unfriended someone on social media because they became uncomfortable with the flirting.

For teens, asking someone out in person is the most common approach, although digital tools also play a role.

Female teenagers were more likely to wait for their person of interest to approach them, but as they get older they tend to reach out more.

How Teens Incorporate Digital Platforms and Devices Into Their Romantic Relationships

The survey showed that teenagers spent time with the partners both online and offline.

92% of teens who are in a relationship, spend time texting to one another as a form of communication, 87% spend time talking on the phone, 86% spend time communicating in person, 70% use social media to communicate with their partner, and 69% use instant or online messages to communicate.

Other forms of communication include video chatting (55%), email (37%), and talking while playing video games (31%).

Texting partners tops how teenagers communicate with their partners, with talking on the phone is second when communicating. 39% of teens talk on the phone every day to their partner, 29% use instant messages, 21% use social media, 21% spend time together in each others presence, and 20% use messaging app for communication with their partner. Older teenagers are more likely to communicate in person. Female teenagers were more likely to text their partner.

When it came to what to send materials, teenagers found that humor was the most shared online information used, 85%. Other materials shared included 78% of teens sharing personal thoughts online, 78% of teens have shared what they were doing, 74% updated based on what was happening with their friends, and 73% have shared the location and time of their outings. On top of that is mentioned online is family issues. Nearly half of the teens discuss family problems while 31% for personal health issues announcements or follow ups. 22% of teens share their religious background while only 10% shared political information.

Teenagers find that they had to have some kind of social interaction with a partner. 85% of teens expect to hear from their partner once a day while 11% of teens expected hourly while 35% hope to communicate with them in a few hours.  While using the technology to interact and connect with partners, it also brings friction between partners.

With so many teens using social media to communicate with each other, there are consequences. When not responding immediately, teenagers become upset that they were not able to communicate with their partner. 21% of teens claimed that their partner pressured them into responding using either texts, phone calls, emails or IMs, while 18% of teens feel this way sometimes and 3% of teens feel they always have to respond.

Although social media has helped in keeping partners connected, the research showed that it also disrupted the relationships. 43% of teens reported that social media interfered and distracted the partner, while 33% of teens reported they felt their partner was doing something online that upset them.

Social Media and Romantic Relationships

Viewed as a place to connect, teens find that by using social media to communicate daily, they can share their emotions, letting others know that they care, even if they may find they feel jealous or uncertain about their relationship.

Boys were more likely to view social media sites as a place for emotional connections with a partner. That being said, 65% of boys felt that they are more connected using social media, while 50% of boys felt emotionally connected compared to the 37% of girls.

A substantial minority of teen daters feel their significant other shows a different side of themselves – or is less authentic – on social media

Being online provides users an opportunity to create alter personalities online than what they would show off line in person. 85% of teens said that social media allowed users to create different profiles, while 77% agreed that users are less authentic online.

When asked if their partner showed a different side of themselves online, 42% agreed they partner did so, while 9% strongly agreed. 36% of teens said their partner were less authentic, while 7% agree strongly and 64% disagree. Girls were likely to strongly disagree with their partner showing a different side of themselves online.

With personalities altering online, friendships were  supported. 71% of girls were more likely to support their friends relationships online, compared to the 57% boys.

Because so many users were able to see what was happening online with friendships and relationships, many felt that too much information is offered for public viewing. 69% of teens stated that too many people see what is happening in their relationships. This has led to many keeping their relationships offline to avoid interference and drama. Some even do not post because they are not sure of their relationship status or do not want to brag.

After the Relationship: Technology and Breakups

When breaking up a relationship, the research showed that teens preferred to be told in person, while by phone came in second. Using social media or text messaging was seen as unacceptable.

62% of teens had broken up with their partner in person, while 42% had ben broken up with their partner in person. 29% of teens broke up with a partner over the phone, while 27% of teens were broken up with by a partner over the phone. When breaking up with someone through social media, girls were more likely to send private messages.

When asked how they felt about breaking up through other forms than in person, they stated that it was juvenile to break up through text messages. Younger teens stated that breaking up with social media made it easier because the physical discussion was not emotional, making it harder to do so.

After breaking up with a partner, many find that they had a lot of memories through pictures, videos, and messages that can initially cause heartache and unwanted contact.

Girls were more likely to remove ex-partners from contacts, by blocking or unfriending them on social media. 44% of girls had untagged or deleted photos of ex-partners from online.  It was found to be an act of respect for the ex-partner, while some find it harder to recover and move on from the previous relationship.

Teen Relationships Struggles: From Potentially Innocuous to Annoying to Abusive Digital Behaviors

Because so many tools and resources are online, it has became easy for teens to retaliate against previous partners, which could lead to abusive or harmful actions. This can be done through impersonating someone else, deleting or altering profiles, posting embarrassing pictures, and tracking previous partners without permission.

Teens are able to pursue these actions by accessing other peoples phone number or account they were dating or had dated.

10% of teens had impersonated their ex-partner in a message or by accessing, modifying or deleting a profile, while 10% pretend to be the actual partner.

While some teens impersonate, others stated that they had sent embarrassing pictures of their partner or ex-partner to others, while 4% downloaded a GPS on a partners or ex-partners phone without them knowing.

31% of teens stated that current or ex-partners had tracked and checked up on them through the internet, cell phone asking questions about their location, who they were with, and what they were doing.  21% of teens stated that that current or ex-partners had read through their text and online messages without their permission.

Along with questioning and following current or ex-partners, 15% of teens were pressured through online messages to engage in unwanted sexual activity. 14-15 year olds were more likely to report this than younger or older teens.

Others  (16%) stated that they were forced by partners to remove former partners or friends from their social media accounts. 13% demanded that passwords to emails and online accounts be shared with their partners. 11% of teens stated that they were threatened through either online or phone messages by their partner. 8% of teens were threatened through digital formats by an ex-partner, while 4% experiences either online or phone threats from their partner.

Few teens (8%) reported that current or ex-partners provided unwanted information online that was embarrassing or against them in any manner. 4% of teens reported this happening during a relationship, while 4% experienced after a relationship was broken up.

About a quarter of teens that participated in the research stated that they experienced name calling through the internet and their phones, as well as, stating mean things or providing put downs about them. 14% of teens reported this happened after the relationship was terminated, while 8% claimed it happened during the relationship. It was also noted that 15% of teens reported they had rumor spread about them from a current or former partner over the phone or internet.

Appendix A

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Teens

Sexual orientation was asked when the teens participated in the research. 93% of the teens claimed to be straight, while 3% were unsure, 2% identified as bisexual, and less than 1% identified as gay or lesbian.

Conclusion

While social media can bring together people from all over creating friendships and possible romantic relationships, it can also bring to the table emotions and actions that are not appropriate for a relationship. The numbers presented in the research were as I expected as I work with 13-15 year olds on a daily basis. This might be a good idea to address with my classes as we discuss online etiquette each year. By doing so with a class, showing them the numbers by how many seats are filled, they tend to grasp it better and become more aware of the negative behavior. I think online etiquette needs to be something that each student be required to go through as a course or part of a course to show them the responsibilities they have and what their actions can do to others and what consequences come with inappropriate online behavior.

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